We all have preconceived notions about how power exchange relationships should look. That’s a problem. Not everyone can or even wants to fit those narrow definitions. With that in mind, let’s talk about power exchange dynamics that don’t fit preconceptions, how to avoid the kinky “Keeping up with the Joneses” trap in our relationships and the importance of making room for those who don’t fit the mold (and how that has happened many times in our history).

Ivarr and Jamie talk frankly about their “equal partnership of unequals,” how and why it works for them, and finding joy in forging their path. We’ll discuss performative power exchange, individual and community biases, and how our community treats others in power dynamics we don’t recognize or understand. And if we change a few minds and trash a few stereotypes during the process, all the better.

Ivarr B. (EE-vahr) – he / him – is a pan, polyam, sadistic Leather Daddy, cigar snob, and most of all, a proud member of the Osage Nation. He also served as Mr. Oregon State Leather 2019/2020. His kinky roots started in Oklahoma many years ago but Portland, OR has been home since 2018. Ivarr loves to play rough, teach, and hold up mirrors to the Leather and kink communities in the hope of making them better.

James Lohikaarme – ze / they – has organized and volunteered for kink events in the PDX area for 5 years. Ze is a switchy sadomasochist, property-oriented submissive, and rope lover who thinks a lot about equity and justice in the context of power exchange and the kink world. Jamie’s passions include baking celebratory cakes, catering events for the kinky masses, polyamory, and pie.